Normal blood sugar in the morning when fasting is 80-110.

11.30.06—9:18 a.m.
(1st tests in six weeks)
416 on glucometer (pointer)
--9:53 a.m.
466 on glucometer (pinky)


12.01.06
didn’t test today

9ish, doorbell rings,
it’s Nathaniel
with two bags of books from the strand on diabetes,
from general care to cookbooks,
he grabs my wooden school classroom chair to sit on
as his back is still bothering him.

12.02.06—11:43 a.m.
542 on glucometer

at South Nassau Communities Hospital
1st 473 triage
2nd 312 iv fluids
3rd 203 iv fluids and insulin shot into the iv

my folks heard my number
and I couldn’t decide what to do,
so my mom sent my dad to come pick me up.
it’s nice to have parents so near they can do that,
still nicer to have parents anywhere who want to.

12.03.06—10:15 a.m.
428 on glucometer

emergency room
doc doubles my diabete’s meds
to try and get my numbers under control
in and out in two hours,
the jets are beating green bay good.

12.04.06—9:07 a.m.
356 on glucometer

email from lewis warsh
about the 40th anniversary event I’m putting on for his press in February:

Dear David,

The lineup for the United Artists night is coming together. Here are
the readers so far

Bill Kushner
Barbara Henning
Dennis Moritz
Mitch Highfill
Tom Savage
Anne Waldman
Bernadette Mayer
Lewis Warsh

with music by
Legend

I'm gathering bios -- when is deadline?

All best,
Lewis

I reply:

hey lewis,

you couldn't put together a better lineup than that?

12.05.06—9:15 a.m.
362 on glucometer

small press traffic is going to take out an ad
in the boog city that’s due out shortly
but no matter how I process their file it looks horrible,
and I’ve tried a whole lot of different ways,
and Christina says she can fix it,
so I send it to her,
and she tries a few ways too,
and it looks like the eps will work,
so we email it to cali,
and from there we get a signoff.

12.06.06—9:15 a.m.
316 on glucometer

if you can’t find me I don’t want to be found
or you just don’t to find me enough
so if it matters
try a little bit harder
even when you’re not asked you’re asked.

12.07.06—9:15 a.m.
292 on glucometer

boog event at gallery
dad drives me in so I don’t have to
it’s not your average reading,
more performative, more out there,
including one writer going performance art on us,
cracking open a roll of pennies,
then dumping it on the floor,
and then another roll,
before he went on his hands and knees,
picking up all the tails,
standing up and dumping them back on the ground,
picking up all the tails again,
repeating this until only heads were on the floor.
Dad waits until I laugh throughout the evening to laugh.

12.08.06—9:02 a.m.
272 on glucometer

I’m not telling people
Well some telling people
I don’t know what it is I have to hide,
Perhaps self-inflicted
And carpet under
Is where all the bunnies tend to reside
Wipe it up,
I’ll take it.

12.09.06—11:57 a.m.
284 on glucometer

this is what we do as I stay at my parents
my mother worrying that I might die
and my roommate’s away
who’d discover the body,
let me feed you,
make sure you check your blood sugar,
let me keep you alive.
And part of the way it seems that we do that
Is to watch a different lifetime movie every night
And sometimes it’s the hallmark channel,
But they’re still lifetime movies
Even if they’re not called that there.
And so tonight we’ll be watching the hallmark channel’s original picture
What I Did for Love,
About a couple from the big city [insert one here]
Who visit the girlfriend’s family for the first time,
And they live in the country, and run a ranch,
And the guy must get the rough ’n’ tumble father’s consent
To marry his only child.
I wish I could lie and say that I hate these films,
That I don’t cry everytime at just the right moments,
But I can’t say that and that’s ok,
There’s another one like it on lifetime soon.

12.10.06—12:38 p.m.
244 on glucometer

send me yr photo
it’ll look better see
poets as superstars
that’s the way it shd be

12.11.06—9:39 a.m.
246 on glucometer

I want to see your improve group
Because yre beautiful
You look like Rebecca gayheart
This actress no one knows
Except those of us who did watch bevery hills 90210
Where she played dylan’s ill-fated wife
Gunned down by her mobbed up dad’s henchmen
Because they thought that she was Dylan
Since she was driving his car
And I’m happy yre alive
To go and do yr improv
And I can’t see you this time
But I will
To see if you can improv worth a damn
And because yre beautiful
And look like Rebecca gayheart.

12.12.06—9:25 a.m.
184 on glucometer

how hard is it for you
to reply to my emails
I mean I know it’s not that hard,
Right?
I mean, you know that they’re time sensitive
These emails I keep sending,
And you hear on your voicemail,
My messages neverending,
But they’ll end when you call me back,
So why don’t you just do that,
And then I’ll stop calling
And that’ll be so nice.

12.13.06—10:00 a.m.
197 on glucometer

24 yrs ago first concert
root canal
talk to pretty young nurse
she dubs me music guy
I mistake tom petty and the heartbreaker’s freefallin’ for don henley’s boys of summer
She tells me she’s seen blink 182 and bon jovi a lot of times
Are you into music the young dental assistant says to me.
Yes I say.
Have you heard of paul anka?
I laugh.
Why are you laughing?
When a young woman says to me
Are you into music
I don’t expect her to mention paul anka.
I just saw him last night and he was great.
Yeah, the dog on the Gilmore girls is named paul anka.
Yeah, I love that show.

12.14.06—8:52 a.m.
181 on glucometer

dad’s getting his cataracts’ surgery consult,
so I park the car and feed the meter every hour,
the second time seeing actress Julia stiles walk by
like nobody knew her

after stop at my apartment,
and quick diner dinner with my folks,
they drop me at bowery poetry club for hotel California live show
The village voice plugged it today,
Called it one of four events in the city you should go to today.
One person shows up.
Welcome to the hotel California indeed.

12.15.06—11:08 a.m.
154 on glucometer

today is work on the paper today
and my diabetes’ eyes aren’t too clear
which isn’t good as I copy edit
so I try shutting my reading light
but that doesn’t help
so after a few minutes I put my eyeglasses on the table,
and then the words start to become clear
and so that’s where they stay,
on the table my eyeglasses
until the files are sent to the printer
and I reward myself with some tv.

12.16.06—1:05 p.m.
148 on glucometer

my friend Philip bagged on distributing the paper with me
and it was all I could do to get the paper out
and now it’s the day that the paper needs getting out
and there’s no one I know who’s got a car and can do it,
so I figure I’ll have to drive though I really haven’t,
what, with the eyes and all,
so I take a nap to get some please-don’t-crash sleep.
And then berger, jon berger, calls me up on the phone,
Did you have any luck with those names I suggested he says,
No jon, I didn’t.
Okay then, he tells me, my dad and I will do it,
And I can’t remember feeling more relieved,
I pull back down my sleep mask and return to sleep.

12.17.06—10:09 a.m.
147 on glucometer

Chanukah party at my brother’s new house in Westhampton
This Norman rockwelly picture postcard place,
Though my guess is Norman never had a 60-inch flat screen in the den.
My brother’s youngest, Melissa, 15,
Is blowing off the family,
Working at the local movie theater though she’s not supposed to
And her boss has told her she can leave at 4,
Now that she’s working when she’s not supposed to.
After she decides to stay,
I tell my brother we should all go there with her presents
And sing the dreidel song,
And after some cajoling the nine of us pile in two cars,
Walk into the movie theater’s lobby,
Holding a happy Chanukah sign in front of us,
And start singing the dreidel song.
Two bars in she takes off and hides.

12.18.06—11:22 a.m.
166 on glucometer

4 bagel day yesterday
though there were other options
because of Chanukah party
and we brought bagels home, too
so my numbers up 19 points this morning.

Call cousin cindi in Oakland,
She turning 40 two days before me
Her girls screeching benevolently in the background,
Let her know about the diabetes,
Though I’m never sure if I want to let anyone know
And if so who
But let her know
Knowing she’ll spread the word to her whole family,
Saving me the telling.

12.19.06—11:25 a.m.
143 on glucometer

call cousin Kenny in the morning
to wish him a happy birthday
we always celebrated our birthdays together growing up,
usually at his family’s home in fair lawn, new jersey,
him born on December 19, me the 20th, my sister the 21st,
pictures of us from different years with different cakes circulating,
I try to call him when he drives to work
Because that’s when his mom, my aunt, used to call him
Before she passed.

12.20.06—9:08 a.m.
140 on glucometer

dad has cataracts surgery on one eye
other to follow in a month or so
says that surgery is a stitchless one
and that he can see clearer out of that one good eye already,
I call him Cyclops and blinky.

Mom worries that I am eating sweet potato fries from trailer park,
We get stuck in so slow traffic,
Before we video store stop,
And my mom tries to give a recommendation.
“it’s my birthday, I’ll be picking the video tonight.”
The store’s bathroom is shut down,
And I got the diabetes, gotta get to the bathroom blues,
So I run back to the car,
Tell my parents to look straight ahead,
And use the rear left passenger door as a shield
As I pee in the early evening.
Return to video store and pick glory road,
About the texas western basketball team
Which was the first school to field an all-black starting five
And win the ncaa championship, in 1966,
defeating kentucky’s all-white starting five.

12.21.06—10:25 a.m.
131 on glucometer

sis is 50 today. 50!
She doesn’t look 50,
Though I don’t think any 50 year old’s look 50 anymore.
She’s 10 years older than me
And there’s something continually reassuring about that.

12.22.06—11:12 a.m.
137 on glucometer

last minute
mom says she’s staying in bed
go to the dentist alone,
so I scurry to reconnect dad’s computer
and mapquest print out directions
I walk in 10 minutes late
And the dental assistant who called me the music guy last week
Brings me right in.
She’s one of those talky dental assistants,
But it’s all the talk I want to hear,
About music and gossip,
And I’m sweet on her, too,
So, I’m sweet on her.

12.23.06—11:22 a.m.
134 on glucometer

birthday dinner for me and my sis,
at this restaurant solé my folks keep raving about
and my dad’s buying us all drinks as we wait
so I break the no drink rule I grew up with
and get the only think I really drink—
a vodka gimlet, straight up, in a martini glass
before getting some Cajun snapper
followed by a, um, brownie
(it’s kinda still my birthday, right?)

12.24.06—10:02 a.m.
134 on glucometer

the only two movies I really want to see this holiday season
are we are marshall and rocky balboa
two sports movies that are more than sports movies
two movies that most men who are men want to see.
Dad and I join my mom and youngest niece this afternoon
To see The Holiday,
Ten bucks for a lifetime movie that was eh,
Though kate winslet is oh so sweet on the eyes.

12.25.06—12:40 p.m.
127 on glucometer

saw the holiday,
an eh lifetime movie for $10
my youngest niece text messaging throughout

12.26.06—12:58 p.m.
134 on glucometer

film we are marshall is ok
and this coming from a huge sports fan who knew the story for years
of the plane crash that killed 75 people associated with the marshall university football program, 48 of them players.
don’t get me wrong,
i’d still rather see it than the holiday.

12.27.06—11:17 a.m.
125 on glucometer

folks call
larry and bernice called
we’re going to go out with them instead, ok?
we haven’t gone out with them in awhile.
i said it was, though it wasn’t,
as plan-breaking is never cool.
order movie stick it on pay-per-view, jerk-off.

12.28.06—9:25 a.m.
124 on glucometer

my youngest niece continues her behavior
talking back to my dad, her grandfather,
this time in dad’s optometrist’s waiting room.
i’m the last of us to gather their stuff to leave.
the only person in the waiting room unsolicits to me,
“she’s terrible, isn’t she?”

12.29.06—1:55 p.m.
113 on glucometer

back in apartment
roommate gone to india then maryland
it matters only in a leave the bathroom door open when i pee way,
that’s about it.

12.30.06—1:11 p.m.
113 on glucometer

multiple messages from my folks on my home and cell phones
i call back
“don’t shut yr ringers off,” my mom says,
“we won’t call before 10 o’clock anyway.”
i tell her not to worry,
that my diabetes isn’t going to kill me yet.

12.31.06—12:49 p.m.
104 on glucometer

go outside for last time this year
to foodshop at gristede’s
fruit and vegetables
a whole lot of lite yogurt, diet soda,
and caffeine free sugar free iced tea mix,
ending with new year’s eve reinforcements
some of which will tip my blood sugar in the morning—
chips, pretzels, sour cream for onion dip,
a box of goobers, and a bottle of martinelli’s sparkling cider.